Liste des plaintes les plus stupides de touristes britanniques

Thomas Cook et l'Association of British Travel Agents ont fait une liste des plaintes les plus idiotes (ne jouons pas avec les mots) faites par leurs clients. La liste est ci-dessous. Je ne l'ai pas traduite mais je le commente.... sans gêne.

1.A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate". Le pénis en érection d'un éléphant doit être plus gros que ta jambe mon homme... t'as besoin d'aide professionnelle.

2. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room. Encore heureux qu'elle sache lire, de quoi se serait-elle plainte ?

3. "The beach was too sandy." Normal, vous êtes anglais !

4. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time. La prochaine fois on devrait lui servir sa soupe avec un bon gros morceau de ceci.

5. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women." Pis c'est la faute des agents de voyage si ton cochon de mari regarde ailleurs ? Je me poserais des questions à ta place.

6. "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake." Arrête ! Pour 5 euros de plus t'aurait pu avoir un manteau de zibeline.

7. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled." C'est clair que ce n'était pas les bons poissons parce t'es revenu en un morceau, grand génie.

8. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home." C'est en canot qu'il fallait te renvoyer.

9. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." Je prie sincèrement pour ce pauvre enfant qui va naître.

10. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller." Duh!

11. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?" Je me demande de quelle couleur sont leurs cheveux.

12. "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners." Avez-vous autant le goût que moi de frapper cette personne ?

13. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white." C'est parce qu'on a nettoyé la pisse de touristes imprégnée dans le sable avant que tu ne viennes y déposer tes pieds d'ange.

14. "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning." L'été prochain, viens faire un tour dans notre beau Nunavut, mon chéri.

15. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." C'est justement le but, s'il le disait, personne prendrait le @$/#& de tour.

16. "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite." La femelle moustique, femme fatale dans toute sa splendeur. Ah oui... t'as probablement la malaria en plus.

17. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." Quoi d'autre ? Un sosie de la Sa Majesté qui vient prendre le thé à 4h avec toi ?

18. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned." Sans mots. Une autre qui mérite une claque.

19. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all." Wouhou! Party time sur le bol ! Vive l'Inde !

20. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels." J'espère qu'une photo des ces bozos à poil va faire son chemin sur internet.

Source : Telegraph.co.uk

Merci Guillaume